Words of a Witchy Woman

Project365: May 17, 2012

Dyane — Thu, 17 May 2012 21:20:57 +0000

The Times, They are A’Changin’…

Dyane — Sun, 13 May 2012 22:41:14 +0000

Our son, after about 6 years, will be entering the work force again this coming week and starting college in the fall. He’s so excited & happy to be changing his life & following his dreams. This was a young man that a year ago, was shooting heroin, smoking crack & meth & drinking himself to a blackout on a daily basis, while he traveled the country with his thumb & on trains he hopped with his dog & traveling companions. When anyone tells me that 12-step programs don’t work, I tell them my son’s story and show them the difference less than a year can & does make when someone is living that program, everyday.

He deserves the best in his life & is finally willing to work at achieving all of those things. I’m excited that he has a job and love seeing the look on his face when I remind him of it. I just hope his company carries employers liability insurance, just in case something happens, since I know he’ll be working the night shift.

He’s been busily getting his room together & to his liking,now that we got his sister’s stuff all moved out, and he’s really enjoying having his own space again, after so long with nowhere to even call home. The changes are amazing & dramatic to behold, things that most parents take for granted. I used to, now I never will again.

Mother’s Day

Dyane — Sun, 13 May 2012 21:40:05 +0000

It’s been a bittersweet day for me. It’s been amazing to have Erin here, after him not being here for so many years. He managed to spoil me rotten, which was no small feat for a young man with no income (as of yet, he starts his new job this week!). He got me beautiful pink roses, a heartfelt card & a lovely angel calendar. I’d have accepted a hug & some discount cologne, heck, even just a hug would have been fine – he’s here, that’s the important part.

Bittersweet because my daughter is in jail & our relationship is in tatters. Bittersweet because I got a half-hearted greeting from my oldest son. I’m okay and having a nice day, it would just be nice if things were different. I realize & accept that I can’t change anything, and it is what it is, so I’m not lettign it ruin my life or anything.

Purging

Dyane — Tue, 08 May 2012 16:57:52 +0000

I’m on a kick in the house of decluttering, the other day it was the spice cabinet, today I think I’ll empty the cabinet under the canisters so that we can use it for actual food, instead of plastic containers & vacuum cups. I think we can get away with one of those for each of the coffee drinkers in the house, and I think I can find a place for the plastic containers & other things in there.

I really need the cabinet for food, I also need the lower cabinet next to it for food, but I’m using it for utensils & aluminum foil & such, since we only have one drawer in the entire kitchen & it’s being used for flatware. I love my house, I just wish my kitchen had been planned a bit better, we could really use some more drawers & cabinets in here.

What a Day!

Dyane — Tue, 08 May 2012 01:07:17 +0000

Today pretty much started out with us finding out our daughter was making suicide threats again. I’m sure her sponsor thinks we’re cold-hearted asses, but.. seriously? She does this every time she doesn’t get her way, and since I haven’t responded to anything she’s said to me since early Saturday morning, I knew this was coming. Her (ex)roommate texted me awhile late to tell me the police had been there & had taken her to the hospital, and that he had told her she had to move out because of her drinking.

We had to go to the airport to see our daughter-from-another-mother off on her flight to Job Corps with our youngest granddaughter, then we went to have lunch with my best friend (the “other mother”) and our oldest granddaughter before coming home.

We got back, Troy & our son took the last of our daughter’s stuff to storage, then Troy dropped him off so he could help his friend move into her new apartment & we had dinner. I’m ending my crazy day with this:

Another freaking mugshot, about 14 months after the very first one (there have been at least 2 more in between. Tonight? You’ll find me at packages.orlandovacation.com, looking for a way to escape!

Excitement!

Dyane — Mon, 07 May 2012 15:11:49 +0000

Our son has his planning meeting at vocational rehab last week and they will be paying for him to get his BA. He really wants to be a veterinary technician, and this will be the road that gets him there. He was very emotional when I picked him, having never had a positive experience with any government agency before, he had been really dreading the whole thing. So, he’ll be starting at the local university in August!

He has a job interview tomorrow afternoon, and feels very positive about this one, as he knows everyone who works there & in management & gets a long well with them. Many of them have police records & are recovering addicts, so that shouldn’t be a problem.

It’s a very exciting time around here for him, and we wish him all of the luck & best wishes he deserves. He’s worked so hard at his recovery and getting his life back, it’s his turn to have good things happen for him.

The Sweet, Sweet Summertime!

Dyane — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 21:32:05 +0000

I truly do love Summer. It never used to be a favorite season, it just got far too hot for me. Of course, as a child, I loved it, but only because there were three whole months that I wasn’t on someone else’s schedule, but it was still, far too hot for me. As I get older & the cold gets harder for me to take, I grow to love Summer more and more. I would love nothing more than a screened in porch for the hot months & a couple of sunrooms for the winter, so I could soak up as much heat as possible, year-round.

I’m really looking forward to Summer this year, not only for the camping, but because it’s the first Summer in many years that our son has been here to enjoy it with us & on top off all of that, he’s sober. Him getting his life together & starting over has sweetened everything else just a little.

Frustration

Dyane — Sun, 29 Apr 2012 19:20:18 +0000

So, apparently I was wrong about the girl falling off the wagon – at the time. She did eventually, but she claims it was only for a day. I just know she hasn’t been to a meeting since then (she went to one drunk) and has a different excuse every day. I removed myself from the equation, it’s just easier that way. If I don’t let myself care then I don’t lose sleep or start dreaming that I’m smoking a fat maduro cigar from the stress. I can’t keep making her disease my disease, you know?

Yes, it is frustrating. Yes, I do love her & worry about her health. I can’t do anything about any of it, so it’s best not to spend every day of my life hyper-focused on what she may or may not be doing. I spent almost a year doing that & it wasn’t pretty.

The boy? Still doing well, he qualified for vocational rehab, and has an appointment later this week to see what they can do to help him, we all have our fingers crossed. He should be able to qualify for food stamps soon, too, which will make him feel more self-sufficient, at least up to a point.

Music

Dyane — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 23:24:30 +0000

Our son has been spending a lot of time playing guitar lately, several hours a day, I would say. He’s been learning a lot of folk, blue grass & old standards and is getting really pretty good at it. He really seems to have found his musical joy again & that makes me so happy. His birthday is in August & I’ve been looking at guitars for him; if he needed an electric, I’d consider something that looked like the Musician’s Gear Guitars, but he doesn’t & I’m not made out of money, so I’ll keep looking at acoustics, and hope I find him something he loves as much as he does his dad’s.

Getting Through It

Dyane — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 17:55:55 +0000

The other day, my son asked if I had an extra backpack lying around that he could use. I kind of got quiet and stressed & asked him what he needed it for, he replied with, “I just want something to carry my notebook, Big Book, pen & iPod in when I’m out & about.” I said I’d see what I had & we went about our day. I realized, even at the time, why I was so freaked out about him asking. Our daughter has one, and she only carries it when she’s using/drinking.

I explained my freak-out to him a few days later and we all laughed about it. I know he isn’t planning to start using again, if he was, he’d just leave. He wouldn’t make us watch him kill himself. I think I have a nice Jansport Bookbag out in the workshop, I’ll try to find it as we’re going through stuff out there so I can give it to him.

It’s terrible the residual damage that’s done to a family when they live with an active addict, the associations and fears that remain when they move on or seek recovery. I hope that one day, I won’t still be dealing with all of this.