I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially since Erin came out to visit, about my kids and their futures. Erin seems to be so direction-less these days & I know that a lot of that is because he’s so easily bored. He’ll very likely never go to a traditional college or university, he’d never be able to sit through long classes day after day. Rhi is interested in pursuing higher education, but fears the high debt associated with traditional learning & has been hesitating. So, I’ve been looking into other options for them, like an online degree, through an accredited university.

Western Governors University looks like a viable option; great for Erin because he could learn at his pace & not be tied down to a class schedule he could never fit into, and also terrific for Ri, because WSU is non-profit & costs a lot less than other choices. They have a pretty extensive list of course offerings, so finding something either of them wants a degree in wouldn’t be that hard, even if it was just an online business degree. Many employers just want a college degree, they don’t seem to care much these days what it’s in, as long as you have one. I think I’ll at least talk to Rhi about it & see if she’s at all interested in any of the programs they offer. There may be other things she’s thinking of doing right now and I don’t want to seem pushy.

While we were out shopping today, I heard a couple of ladies talking about a new skin care product that I though I had never heard of, until I came home to read some information about tretinoin. I wasn’t familiar with that name, but I do know what “retin-a” is. I’m wondering if any of you use it in any of it’s forms? If so, how does it work & how does your skin react? I seem to have very touchy skin, some products work great for me & some literally burn me, causing temporary scarring, I just want to know if there’s anyone out there like me that has used it before I commit to spending money on yet another skincare product I can’t use.

We had a lot of fun today, by the way, and it was really great just having time together when Dawn was able to spend money & I really wasn’t. It was a funny change for us, but one I wish could happen more often – or at least the part about her be able to have money to spend. I’d like some, too. I spent money that I probably shouldn’t have, but most of it was done wisely & with thoughts of being able to preserve food and such, so I don’t feel too badly about it. I know Troy won’t care, and that’s really all that matters to me in the end.

Wow. I knew I had eaten poorly this week, and my weight gain just proves it to me. I’m glad that I realized what I was doing earlier in the week & decided that it wasn’t going to happen anymore. I was right back on plan yesterday & felt 100% better about my food & myself. In the past, this gain would have caused me to give up what’s been working for almost a year & run off searching for diet aids or a miracle “cure” for my fatness. I’ve learned over the past few months that the only cure is to be on top of what I put in my mouth & not let it control me. I kind of forgot that this week & overindulged more than I should have.

I’m not going to beat myself up, or play the regret game, I’m just going to take the lesson I’ve learned & move forward in my journey, like normal, non-addicted people do. I won’t use it as an excuse to screw this week up, too, but as an inspiration to lose what I gained instead & to do better at choosing items on a menu & in my life. I will do this, I will reach my goal.

I swear my face has been breaking out like crazy over the past two weeks, it’s driving me freakin’ nuts! I used to get bad breakouts back in high school, and have had them periodically throughout the years, but lately, it’s been pretty mellow – until this month. I haven’t done anything differently than I’ve been doing for years, other than I haven’t been super diligent with washing my face, but I never have been, really, other than the past couple of months. Does anyone have any good acne home remedies? I’ve tried buying stuff & it never seems to work that great & tends to cost more than I really want to spend.

Erin did manage to leave yesterday, although he wasn’t happy about it. He had been told that they were leaving on the 20th (he told me the 27th), and then on Tuesday night, he was told they were leaving the next morning. His friends, Michael & Ashley had told him they’d buy him some cigarettes & a washboard (he plays it as an instrument) on Friday so he’d have those things when he left, so now he doesn’t have them. He was grateful to have a ride all the way to Oregon, he just wished it had been when he was told initially.

Rhi came in a little while ago & asked me if I’d heard of the “Tag Me” application on MySpace. I had so, she said, “There’s just no way to explain this, so come & see who tagged me.” I went into her room & there was the picture of an old man (probably in his 60s) and he had tagged Rhi (who’s 19) as “his nightly dream.” She dropped him a quick note to thank him for the thought (even though she was intensely creeped out) and hoped he wouldn’t contact her again. I felt like telling her that if he does she can always recommend the best colon cleanser and geriatric supplement to him & that might give him the idea that he’s way too old for her. I didn’t say it, but man, did I ever want to.

I guess I’m always going to be protective of my kids, no matter how old they get. They’re still mine, you know? I still think of them as my responsibility in some ways, even though they’re all grown & do their own things these days. i know, in my heart, that they can all take care of themselves & stand up for themselves, but I’ve been doing it for so many years that sometimes, it’s hard to back up & let them handle it.

I’ve had to bite back a lot of worry & fear for them over the past couple of years & I am getting better at just letting them live, but it hasn’t been easy & I will never claim that it has been. Anyway, I guess I’d better go get my workout in before I waste the whole day & end up doing it at 5 tonight!

I love our new neighborhood as much as I love the house. It’s quiet & safe here, the neighbors just do normal things, like walking their dogs & taking care of the yard. There hasn’t been anyone chasing their husband around with a shovel, no one screaming in front of my house & certainly no children have been taunting my dog. One of my favorite views of Cedar Mountain is out my front window now & another, out my office window. I can sit on my couch & watch the world go by, without having to hear it.

This morning a young mommy jogged by, with her little one all bundled up in her baby jogger city stroller, followed by an older man heading out on his bike & a woman walking her little dog. It was just a normal, neighborhood scene, but one that has become very precious to me, after living in a place for so long where none of that was normal. Arguing with your partner outside & letting your children play in the middle of the street was normal there. I’m talking about little, tiny kids, lying in the middle of the street, at times & their parents getting mad if your asked them to move. Sometimes it honestly felt like they wanted you to hit them so they could sue you. It wasn’t as if they had nowhere to play, each trailer had a yard & there was an elementary school 2 blocks away!

Anyway, this is better. I love it & that’s that!

Erin is supposedly leaving today, before noon. A friend of his is moving to Oregon & offered to take him with him. I’ll miss him quite a lot, but it will be nice to have my living room back, after all of this time. He had thought he’d be here for about 2 weeks when he got here & it’s been pretty close to 2 months now, so it’s time.

We’re all feeling so much better since we moved, and I know that most of our issues in the other house were due to the black mold in the walls. Now, if this patch of eczema on my elbow would clear up, I’d be even happier! Our house now is always clean & always smells great &we all love living here. I can’t wait until spring, so I can see what comes out of the ground. I know we have rosebushes & lilacs, I just want to see if there’s anything else. I’ve already started buying seeds for my gardens & will continue to, since we can’t even think about planting until late May. I want to buy some rakes on payday, so we can start getting the lawn into shape, since no one raked this past fall & it’s full of dead leaves. The flower beds are full of dead plants & weeds, too, so we need to get that taken care of before spring, too.

Well, I guess I’d better get started on my daily chores so that I can watch the Olympic coverage when it starts later!

We made some changes to our bankruptcy, just because we couldn’t imagine filing & still being broke all of the time, that would be like throwing our money away to even file. We had been told initially that the only good fit for us was a Chapter 13, in spite of us not owning a house, because that way, we wouldn’t lose either of the cars. Once our packet got to Salt Lake City & the rest of the lawyers got a look at it, they realized that the XTerra was nearly paid off & we have no equity in the HHR. They decided a Chapter 7 was better for us & that we should reaffirm the loan on the HHR. Well, that would have been fine, except that the car payment, payments on the bankruptcy & our deposit (along with higher rent) would still leave us in a hole that I wasn’t really willing to stay in. I decided that I’d rather not reaffirm the loan on my car & could really live without it.

We still haven’t told our lawyer about this & need to get in touch with them this morning, so we had to skip out on the gym again so we could do that, but I swear, next week, we’re going to get back on the ellipticals and start all over again. I hate that we’ve stopped going & haven’t been doing anything active at all lately. I haven’t been eating all that great the past few weeks either, and I’m not doing that any more. I don’t want to start gaining weight back & not be able to wear my cute clothes, so today, I’m back at tracking every bite I put into my face.

The plumber has been here today & then he left to go & buy supplies to at least temporarily fix the valve in the bathtub, so that we can shower until he can get the permanent fix done. No one seems to be able to find where the water shuts off, which is a problem. I know the guy who did our tile shut it off, because he removed the fixtures in there, but they don’t seem to be able to reach him. I imagine the owners probably know where it is, and if I were the property managers, I think I’d call them & ask. I mean, it doesn’t take a college degree to figure that out. Anyway, we seem to be doing a lot of waiting regarding this house, which is okay, as long as things eventually get done & we can all end up being able to shower & do laundry & all of that. As it is, we haven’t even brought the washer & dryer in yet.

We did get our bankruptcy papers sent off today & our taxes filed. They were accepted by the IRS shortly after & now we’re just waiting. I’m hoping our refund doesn’t get garnished, because that would really suck, hopefully the bankruptcy petition will get filed before that can happen, we really need to get some work done on Troy’s XTerra with the refund & hopefully a new mattress & box springs. So, keep your fingers crossed for us, we could really use a break for a change!

We finally finished moving in on Tuesday night (February 2), we started moving boxes on Sunday & just put them in our workshop & locked them up. We pretty much just sat around waiting on Monday & never got any really good news, especially since that was the day when the water valve in the bathroom broke off & they discovered the roof leaking in the master bedroom. So, they finally let us start moving furniture in on Tuesday morning and by that afternoon we had our keys & a signed contract. So, it was a hassle, but at least we didn’t need cross country moving companies to get it done.

The bathroom wasn’t entirely finished until Friday I think. I took my shower yesterday & couldn’t get the hot water to turn all the way off, and we can’t get a hold of our property management. We went & bought new washers & such to fix it, but can’t find the water shut off, so now it’s just dripping away, wasting water & gas to heat it. Hopefully we’ll get it taken care of soon & it won’t require them tearing any more tile out to do it.

We’re gradually getting things unpacked & put away, and hopefully I’ll be able to start taking pictures of the house pretty soon, so that all of you can see it, too!